I have no idea what I'm doing.
The only thing I know is that I have this compulsion to share my thoughts online.
I don't know why. I don't yet know exactly what about. I just know that this is somehow a part of my path.
I've been having a hard time figuring out what to post on this blog, and I imagine that most people starting out have that problem.
The truth is that I've started this blog two or three other times in the past. At one point I even had a fair amount of blog posts, most of them were about the mind and the nature of reality. But I always stopped before I could get traction, and maybe that was part of the problem... I was always trying to get traction for some reason, mostly so I could make money doing what I love, simply being me.
But honestly, I don't want to follow the steps I know to make money online. I've tried to force this for too long, and what I'd prefer to do is just be me and see what happens.
This time around, I want it to be different. I want to post consistently, but for myself, not for anyone else. I know that writing will help me to give structure to my thoughts and find the words that usually slip through my grasp while trying to talk about things, especially the things that are important to me.
I want this blog to be about expressing myself without rules or guidelines attached to it. I know there will be fear involved because I want to write about personal experiences and what I've learned from them.
Recently I started listening to the book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear while I ride my bike around the city. Something I found interesting was that he didn't consider himself a writer when he started posting on his blog, but he made the decision to become a writer, so he started posting blog posts every Monday and Thursday. Eventually this practice led to him actually becoming a writer, finding his words, and gaining a large audience of people who care about what he has to say.
He also had this to say:
I can guarantee that if you manage to start a habit and keep sticking to it, there will be days when you feel like quitting. When you start a business, there will be days when you don’t feel like showing up. When you’re at the gym, there will be sets that you don’t feel like finishing. When it’s time to write, there will be days that you don’t feel like typing. But stepping up when it’s annoying or painful or draining to do so, that’s what makes the difference between a professional and an amateur. Professionals stick to the schedule; amateurs let life get in the way. Professionals know what is important to them and work toward it with purpose; amateurs get pulled off course by the urgencies of life. - James Clear, Atomic Habits
I think it's about time that I set up my own system to become a professional writer. My intention for this blog was to post every Thursday, but I've let that slip away. I keep telling myself that I'll get around to it after x, y, and z. Recently these excuses have been related to me starting my freelance business as a Webflow developer. I keep saying to myself, "I'll have more time to write after I get certified with Webflow, or after I get enough clients, or after I..."
But I've been saying that kind of stuff for YEARS, and something I'm realizing is that I will never not be doing things outside of this blog. There will always be reasons why I don't have time or why I should get to it later. This is true for any blogger or writer out there, including James Clear and all the other writers I've followed in the past.
The difference is, those people showed up regardless of the other responsibilities they had. That's what I need to do as well.
There is a part of me that wants to write and share online and to be seen. There is another part of me that wants to disappear into the background, keep my mouth shut and have nobody look at me.
Obviously the latter is fear, while the first is my desire to express myself. I'm tired of hiding. It's terrifying to put myself out there, but it seems more terrifying to continue to stifle myself.
I don't want to stay small, I want to share.
I think I have a lot to contribute to the world, especially for those that don't feel like they fit in. It would be selfish of me to keep myself hidden knowing that I could help the people I want to help.
So this is my promise to myself. I WILL post a blog post every Thursday.